The Minions

Minions have been on this planet far longer than we have. They go by many names. Dave, Carl, Paul, Mike. Oh, that one is Norbert. He’s an idiot.

They’re all different, but they all share the same goal. To serve the most despicable master they could find. Boss! Making their master happy was the tribe’s very reason for existence. But that’s not to say that they didn’t have other passions. Huh?

Finding a boss was easy. But keeping a boss, therein lies the rub. Nope, it wasn’t easy for these guys. But they never gave up.

With the emergence of the Stone Age came the rise of a new species. Man was very different from the dinosaur. He was shorter, hairier, and way, way smarter.

The Minions took an instant liking to man, and helped him the best they could. Oh, no, no. Eh? Poor man. So trusting, so fragile. So, so delicious!

Their quest for a boss put the Minions front and center for some of civilization’s most historic moments. Anubis! Ancient Egypt held great promise. Okay! Pancake! But it didn’t last long. Hmm. Oh! Ow!

The Dark Ages were actually fun times. Their new master had a tendency to party all night and sleep all day. Ooh! Oh. But eventually, the party was over. They bounced from one evil boss to another, but they never seemed to find their perfect fit. One particular employer took their failure very, very badly. Huh? The Minions had no other choice but to keep moving. Oh.

And then, when all hope seemed lost, they found sanctuary. The Minions were safe! Years passed as the Minions forged their own civilization. They truly made a life for themselves. But something just wasn’t right. They felt empty inside. Without a master, they had no purpose. They became aimless and depressed. If this continued any longer, the Minions would perish.

But all was not lost for one Minion had a plan. His name was Kevin. He was excited to share his idea with the tribe. He’d been preparing for days, weeks, months. But now he was ready.

Buddies! Kevin would leave the cave … go back to the outside world, and he would not return until he had found his tribe the biggest, baddest villain to serve. But he needed help.

Me! Bob was eager to go, but Kevin felt he was just not strong enough for the dangerous journey ahead.

Uh, no. Luckily, someone stepped up.

Stuart!

Huh? Me, me? Oh! Thank you.

Truth be told, Stuart had no idea what he was chosen for … but was thrilled it made people cheer for him. Thank you. Me!