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<!DOCTYPE html> <html> <head> <title></title> </head> <body> ========= EDITOR'S NOTE: - Format the Onion article below - Use this as the main art for this piece, place it wherever appropriate: http://blog.historians.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/US-Supreme-Court-e1456758604722.jpg - Turn the Related Articles section into a bulleted list - Turn this editor's note into an HTML comment so the reader won't be able to see it. ========= Supreme Court Rules Supreme Court Rules Adapted from The Onion WASHINGTON, DC—In a landmark decision Monday, the United States Supreme Court ruled 8-1 that it rules. Justice Anthony Kennedy, writing on behalf of the majority, noted that "while the U.S. Constitution guarantees equality of power among the executive, legislative and judicial branches, it most definitely does not guarantee equality of coolness, and in this regard, the judicial branch kicks that which can be construed as total and complete butt." "In the case of The U.S. Supreme Court v. Everyone Else (2016)," wrote Justice Clarence Thomas, "this court wins by a serious landslide." According to the decision, the Supreme Court "rules and rules totally, all worthy and touched by nobody, in perpetuity, and in accordance with Article Three of the U.S. Constitution. The ability of the President and Congress to keep pace with us is not only separate, but most unequal." The lone dissenting voice came from Associate Justice David Souter, who worried in his minority opinion that Monday's decision represents "an unnecessary and excessive wielding of judicial power, as the Supreme Court should not need an official ruling to know that it rocks, for it simply does and always has, and that is all there is to say." As a result of the ruling, the President and Congress will have to treat the Supreme Court with respect and dignity at all times, including giving them priority both in getting to the front of the line in the U.S. Capitol cafeteria, and in getting seats on the Senate's private, underground transportation system. Related Articles: - How Supreme Court Justices Are Chosen - Supreme Court Debuts New Spaghetti Strap Sun-Robes For Spring - Supreme Court Releases Audition Tapes of All Justices </body> </html>
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