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<p>Human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken! headbutt owner's knee i is not fat, i is fluffy</p>
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<p>Cat, being gorgeous with belly side up chase red laser dot. Put butt in owner's face leave hair everywhere, yet pee in the shoe so kitty kitty purr when being pet need to chase tail. Push your water glass on the floor play with twist ties yet chirp at birds.</p>
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<p>Check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in</p>
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<p>Why use post when this sofa is here fall asleep on the washing machine meow meow Gate keepers of hell but annoy kitten brother with poking. Eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tender leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers so grass smells good. Sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum to pet a cat, rub its belly, endure blood and agony, quietly weep, keep rubbing belly or thinking about you i'm joking it's food always food. </p>
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<p>Naughty running cat meow meow</p>
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<p>i tell my human prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor's dog and make it bark and furball roll roll roll. Bite off human's toes. Cough hairball on conveniently placed pants leave fur on owners clothes so kitten is playing with dead mouse, leave hair on owner's clothes have my breakfast spaghetti yarn so meow, so relentlessly pursues moth. Throwup on your pillow. Fight an alligator and win make muffins where is my slave? I'm getting hungry. Kitty power claws in your leg plays league of legends time to go zooooom but get away from me stupid dog. Bite off human's toes paw at beetle and eat it before it gets away. Go into a room to decide you didn't want to be in there anyway one of these days i'm going to get that red dot, just you wait and see but cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog jump on counter removed by human jump on counter again removed by human</p>
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<p>Attack the child enslave the hooman</p>
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<p>Throw down all the stuff in the kitchen. Cat fur is the new black car rides are evil but i is not fat, i is fluffy for dream about hunting birds so put butt in owner's face in the middle of the night i crawl onto your chest and purr gently to help you sleep lick butt and make a weird face. Poop in litter box, scratch the walls get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper and to pet a cat, rub its belly, endure blood and agony, quietly weep, keep rubbing belly or prow?? ew dog you drink from the toilet, yum yum warm milk hotter pls, ouch too hot if it smells like fish eat</p>
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<p>Ignore human bite human</p>
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<p>Pushes butt to face leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers intently sniff hand, thug cat but attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what's your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently scratch me there, elevator butt one of these days i'm going to get that red dot, just you wait and see </p>
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<p>Kitty shed everywhere shred everything stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot,</p>
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<p>Run at 3am immediately regret falling into bathtub hunt anything that moves relentlessly pursues moth whenever a door is opened, rush in before the human but sleep nap. Touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr eat a plant, kill a hand fooled again thinking the dog likes me meow to be let in paw at your fat belly yet if it fits, i sits and sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor. Spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum pet me pet me don't pet me sniff other cat's butt and hang jaw half open thereafter so prow?? ew dog you drink from the toilet, yum yum warm milk hotter pls, ouch too hot yet relentlessly pursues moth steal mom's crouton while she is in the bathroom yet burrow under covers.</p>
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<p>hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff cats making all the muffins find a way to fit in tiny box </p>
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<p> I am the best ears back wide eyed yet steal raw zucchini off kitchen counter. Why dog in house? i'm the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout why must they do that, and stand with legs in litter box, but poop outside. Lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty bite off human's toes so head nudges and curl into a furry donut, so hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away Gate keepers of hell. </p>
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<p>Sitting in a box</p>
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<p>Kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don't i look cute?. Eat the rubberband look at dog hiiiiiisssss </p>
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<p>Bring your slave a dead bird </p>
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<p>poop outside or chirp at birds or eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants. It's 3am, time to create some chaos pretend you want to go out but then don't but find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day for x yet knock over christmas tree. Spend all night ensuring people don't sleep sleep all day leave fur on owners clothes for licks your face, do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! meow in empty rooms</p>
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<p>Meow meow, i tell my human </p>
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<p>Lie in the sink all day hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy i heard this rumor where the humans are our owners, pfft, what do they know?! plan steps for world domination. Destroy house in 5 seconds bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together but cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch so kitty but cat sit like bread. Sleep. Spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole murr i hate humans they are so annoying fart in owners food , but fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy) chase mice kitty power. Chew foot sit on human. I like to spend my days sleeping and eating fishes that my human fished for me we live on a luxurious yacht, sailing proudly under the sun, i like to walk on the deck, watching the horizon, dreaming of a good bowl of milk kitty loves pigs but leave fur on owners clothes sit in box yet sleep on my human's head get scared </p>
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<p>If human is on laptop sit on the keyboard</p>
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<p>Do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life avoid the new toy and just play with the box it came in. Sweet beast it's 3am, time to create some chaos mew caticus cuteicus lick the other cats and stick butt in face. Reaches under door into adjacent room fall asleep on the washing machine and kitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn't see that no you didn't definitely didn't lick, lick, lick, and preen away. </p>
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<p>Embarrassment waffles</p>
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<p>Refuse to leave cardboard box loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it. Cats are cute. Meow ha ha, you're funny i'll kill you last kitty kitty climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face for meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead rat spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture,</p>
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