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HTML 

              
                <!-- This is in html rather than slim because of thumbnails -->
<div class="head">
  <div class="facialhair">
    <div class="brow left">
      <div class="shadow"></div>
      <div class="hair1"></div>
      <div class="hair2"></div>
      <div class="hair3"></div>
    </div>
    <div class="brow right">
      <div class="shadow"></div>
      <div class="hair1"></div>
      <div class="hair2"></div>
      <div class="hair3"></div>
    </div>
  </div>
  <div class="ear left"></div>
  <div class="ear right"></div>
  <div class="face">
    <div class="eye right milky">
      <div class="slash"></div>
      <div class="base"></div>
      <div class="shadow"></div>
      <div class="crowsfoot"></div>
      <div class="eyeball">
        <div class="pupil"></div>
      </div>
    </div>
    <div class="eye left">
      <div class="tired"></div>
      <div class="base"></div>
      <div class="shadow"></div>
      <div class="crowsfoot"></div>
      <div class="eyeball">
        <div class="pupil"></div>
      </div>
    </div>
  </div>
  <div class="nose">
    <div class="border"></div>
    <div class="bridge">
      <div class="dip"></div>
    </div>
    <div class="slash"></div>
  </div>
  <div class="hair">
    <div class="light"></div>
    <div class="widowspeak">
      <div class="round"></div>
    </div>
    <div class="slash"></div>
  </div>
  <div class="facialhair">
    <div class="mustache left"></div>
    <div class="mustache right"></div>
    <div class="goatee">
      <div class="main"></div>
      <div class="side left"></div>
      <div class="side right"></div>
      <div class="further left"></div>
      <div class="further right"></div>
    </div>
  </div>
</div>
!

CSS 

              
                // Static
$hair: hsl(0, 77, 63);
$facerand: 2; /* 08 */

// Random
$coinflip: if(random(100) > 20, 1, 0);
$hairsat: if($coinflip == 1, random(10) + 65, random(10));
$hairlum: if($coinflip == 1, 63 - random(10), 50 - random(10));
$hair: hsl(random(45), $hairsat, $hairlum);
$facerand: random(100) / 100;

// Start calculating the rest from the given values above!
$border: #3b0c25;
$hairdark: hsl(hue($hair) - 9, saturation($hair) - 20, lightness($hair) * .65);
$hairlight: hsl(hue($hair) + 20, saturation($hair) + 4, lightness($hair) * 1.3);

$facerandfactor: 30;
$face: hsl(27 + ($facerand * 5), 100 - ($facerandfactor * $facerand), 80 - (($facerandfactor/3) * $facerand));
$facedark: desaturate(darken($face, 30%), 30%);
$blush: hsl(hue($face) - 10, saturation($face) * .75, lightness($face) * (1 - (.1 * $facerand)));
$blushdark: hsl(hue($blush) - 10, saturation($blush) * .62, lightness($blush) * .72);

$fiveoclock: mix($face, hsl(hue($hair) - 5, saturation($hair) * .2, 59%), 40%);
$fiveohighlight: hsl(hue($fiveoclock) + 7, saturation($fiveoclock) + 10, 78%);

$eye: hsl(150 + random(120), 10 + random(40), 50%);

body {
  font-size: 9.9vh;
  transform-style: preserve-3d;
  height: 100vh;
  width: 100vw;
  margin-left: -7vh; 
}

.head {
  left: 50%;
  top: 50%;
  transform: translateX(.7em);
  
  &,
  *,
  *::before,
  *::after {
    display: inline-block;
    box-sizing: border-box;
    position: absolute;
    animation-fill-mode: forwards;
  }
}

.ear {
  z-index: -1;
  left: 50%;
  top: -.5em;
  
  border-top-right-radius: .25em .6em;
  border-bottom-right-radius: .3em .6em;
  
  height: 1.5em;
  width: .7em;
  background: $face;
  transform: rotate(9deg);
  border: .12em solid $border;
  margin-left: 2.29em;
  box-shadow: inset -.04em .08em #fff,
    inset -.07em -.2em $face;
  
  &::after {
    content: "";
    height: .1em;
    width: .6em;
    background: $border;
    transform: rotate(-45deg);
    border-top-right-radius: .5em .1em;
    top: .35em;
    left: -.2em;
  }
  &::before {
    content: "";
    background: $face;
    border-radius: 100%;
    left: -.2em;
    top: .36em;
    width: .45em;
    height: .65em;
    box-shadow: inset .31em 0 $facedark,
      inset -.03em 0 $facedark;
    border-right: .05em solid $border;
    transform: rotate(-15deg);
  }
  
  &.left {
    margin-left: -2.97em;
    transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(9deg);
  }
}

.hair {
  border-top-left-radius: 5em 3em;
  border-top-right-radius: 5em 3em;
  width: 5em;
  margin-top: -3.05em;
  height: 6em;
  margin-left: -2.5em;
  transform: matrix3d(1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1,	0, 0.0002, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1) scale(.95);
  overflow: hidden;
  
  .light {
    left: -.02em;
    right: -.02em;
    border-top-left-radius: 5em 3em;
    border-top-right-radius: 5em 3em;
    height: 3.1em;
    border: .2em solid $fiveohighlight;
    border-bottom: none;
    margin-top: -.1em;
    transform: matrix3d(1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1,	0, -0.0002, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1);
    
    &::before {
      content: "";
      border-top-left-radius: 5em 3em;
      border-top-right-radius: 5em 3em;
      height: 2.85em;
      border: .1em solid $fiveoclock;
      border-top-width: .3em;
      border-bottom: none;
      width: 102%;
      margin-left: -1%;
      margin-top: 0.05em;
      transform: matrix3d(1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 0, -0.00001, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1);
    }
  }
  
  .widowspeak {
    background: $fiveoclock;
    left: 0;
    right: 0;
    height: 1.8em;
    z-index: -1;
    &::after,
    &::before {
      content: "";
      border-top: 0.5em solid $face;
      background: $face;
      left: .23em;
      top: .9em;
      height: 1em;
      width: 2.3em;
      border-top-left-radius: 4em;
      border-top-right-radius: 4.7em 2.5em;
    }
    &::after {
      left: initial;
      right: .22em;
      transform: scaleX(-1);
    }
    
    .round {
      right: 0;
      left: 0;
      &::before {
        content: "";
        z-index: 2;
        right: 0;
        left: 50%;
        width: 30%;
        transform: translate(-50%,0) scaleX(1.3);
        height: 1.13em;
        top: 0.02em;
        background: $fiveoclock;
        border-bottom-left-radius: 50% 100%;
        border-bottom-right-radius: 50% 100%;
      }
      &::after {
        content: "";
        background: $face;
        width: .8em;
        height: .5em;
        top: 1em;
        left: 50%;
        margin-left: -.4em;
      }
    }
  }
  
  .slash {
    border-top: .1em solid transparent;
    border-bottom: .1em solid transparent;
    border-right: 1.3em solid $face;
    top: .7em;
    left: 2.5em;
    transform: rotate(30deg);
  }
}

.face {
  background: $face;
  margin-left: -2.5em;
  width: 5em;
  margin-top: -3em;
  height: 5.6em;
  border: .12em solid $border;
  border-top-left-radius: 5em 3em;
  border-top-right-radius: 5em 3em;
  border-bottom-left-radius: 5em 3.5em;
  border-bottom-right-radius: 5em 3.5em;
  overflow: hidden;
  transform: matrix3d(1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1,	0, 0.0002, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1);
  
  &::before,
  &::after {
    width: 1.3em;
    height: 2.3em;
    content: "";
    background: $blush;
    bottom: 0;
  }
  
  &::before {
    border-top-right-radius: 1.3em 2.3em;
  }
  &::after {
    border-top-left-radius: 1.3em 2.3em;
    right: 0;
  }
}

.eye {
  height: 1em;
  width: 1em;
  top: 40%;
  right: 20%;
  font-size: .9em;
  z-index: 4;
  
  &.left {
    transform: scaleX(-1);
    right: inherit;
    left: 20%;
    .eyeball {
      transform: scaleX(-1);
      animation: blink 5s infinite;
    }
  }
  &.right {
    .eyeball {
      z-index: 2;
    }
  }
  
  @if (random(5) > 1) {
     &.milky {
      .pupil {
        opacity: .5;
      }
    }
    .slash {
      height: 0;
      width: 0;
      z-index: 1;
      top: .35em;
      left: .65em;
      border-radius: 0;
      border: .08em solid $border;
      border-width: 1em 0.1em 0 0.1em;
      border-color: $border transparent transparent transparent;
      background: transparent;
      transform: rotate(-30deg);
      &::before {
        content: "";
        bottom: 0;
        right: .05em;
        height: 1em;
        width: .02em;
        background: #fff;
        transform: rotate(-7deg);
      }
      &::after {
        content: "";
        background: $border;
        width: .15em;
        height: .02em;
        left: -.075em;
        top: -.2em;
        border-radius: 100%;
      }
    }
  }
  
  .tired {
    height: .9em;
    width: .7em;
    background: $border;
    border-radius: 100%;
    transform: rotate(-45deg);
    top: .09em;
    left: .28em;
  }
  .base {
    transform: rotate(-65deg) scaleY(1.2);
    width: 1em;
    height: 1em;
    &::before,
    &::after {
      content: "";
      border-radius: 100%;
      background: $facedark;
      font-size: .6em;
      width: 1em;
      height: 1em;
      left: -17%;
      top: 20%;
      margin-left: 5%;
    }
    &::after {
      background: $face;
      left: -8%;
      height: 1.3em;
      width: .5em;
      margin-top: -10%;
    }
  }
  .shadow {
    border-radius: 100%;
    background: $facedark;
    width: 1em;
    height: 1em;
    border: .1em solid $facedark;
    border-width: .05em 0 0 .1em;
    transform: rotate(-45deg);
  }
  .crowsfoot {
    left: .15em;
    top: .15em;
    transform: rotate(-20deg);
    border-radius: 100%;
    width: .8em;
    height: .8em;
    border: .1em solid #3b0c24;
    border-width: 0 0 0 .1em;
    &::before {
      content:"";
      bottom: .03em;
      left: -.2em;
      background: $facedark;
      width: .18em;
      height: .18em;
      border-radius: 100%;
    }
  }
  .eyeball {
    border: .1em solid #3b0c24;
    border-radius: 100%;
    width: .7em;
    height: .7em;
    left: .15em;
    top: .15em;
    overflow: hidden;
    background: #fff;
    
    &::before,
    &::after {
      border-radius: 100%;
      width: .5em;
      height: .5em;
      background: #bfb5bf;
      content: "";
      position: absolute;
      left: 0;
      top: 0;
    }
    &::after {
      top: .2em;
      left: .05em;
      background: #fff;
    }
  }
  .pupil {
    background: $border;
    background-image: radial-gradient(farthest-corner at .05em .05em, mix($border, $eye, 50%) 50%, $eye 100%);
    border-radius: 100%;
    width: .3em;
    height: .3em;
    left: .1em;
    top: .1em;
    z-index: 1;
    overflow: hidden;
    border: .06em solid mix($border, $eye, 60%);
    
    &::before,
    &::after {
      content: "";
      background: #fff;
      border-radius: 100%;
    }
    &::before {
      top: -.07em;
      left: -.07em;
      width: .2em;
      height: .2em;
    }
    &::after {
      bottom: -.03em;
      right: -.03em;
      width: .1em;
      height: .1em;
    }
  }
}

.nose {
  background: #fff;
  width: 1.2em;
  height: 2.1em;
  border-top-right-radius: 5em 2em;
  border-top-left-radius: 5em 2em;
  border-bottom-right-radius: 5em 2.5em;
  border-bottom-left-radius: 5em 2.5em;
  top: -1.3em;
  left: 50%;
  margin-left: -.59em;
  z-index: 8;
  overflow: hidden;
  transform: matrix3d(1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 0, -0.002, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1);
  
  &::after {
    content: "";
    bottom: 0;
    height: .3em;
    background: $blushdark;
    left: 0;
    right: 0;
  }
  
  .border {
    top: 0;
    left: 0;
    bottom: 0;
    right: 0;
    border: .1em solid $border;
    border-top: none;
    border-bottom-right-radius: 5em 2.5em;
    border-bottom-left-radius: 5em 2.5em;
    z-index: 10;
  }
  .bridge {
    &::before {
      content: "";
      background: $blush;
      top: -.08em;
      left: .12em;
      height: .9em;
      width: 1.2em;
      transform: matrix3d(1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1,	0, 0.005, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1) rotate(5deg);
    }
    &::after {
      content: "";
      top: 1.2em;
      left: 0;
      height: .7em;
      width: 1.2em;
      background: #fff;
      border-top-right-radius: 5em .5em;
      border-top-left-radius: 5em .5em;
      border-bottom-right-radius: 5em 1em;
      border-bottom-left-radius: 5em 1em;
      z-index: 1;
    }
    .dip {
      left: 0;
      background: $blushdark;
      top: 0.78em;
      height: 0.46em;
      width: 1.4em;
      &::after {
        content: "";
        top: .3em;
        left: 0;
        height: .84em;
        width: 1.3em;
        background: $blush;
        border-top-right-radius: 5em .5em;
        border-top-left-radius: 5em .5em;
        border-bottom-right-radius: 5em 1em;
        border-bottom-left-radius: 5em 1em;
        z-index: 2;
        transform: matrix3d(0.84, 0, 0, -0.0003, 0.12, 0.88, 0, 0.0002, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1);
      }
    }
  }
  .slash {
    border-style: solid;
    border-color: transparent #3b0c26 transparent transparent;
    border-width: 0.1em 1em 0.05em 0;
    top: 0.8em;
    transform: rotate(-15deg);
    right: 0;
    z-index: 3;
    &::after {
      content: "";
      border-style: solid;
      border-color: $blush transparent transparent transparent;
      border-width: 0.08em 0.3em 0em 0.6em;
      top: 0.02em;
      left: 0;
      transform: rotate(2deg);
    }
  }
}

.facialhair {
  z-index: 6;
  .brow {
    top: -1.7em;
    transform:  scale(1.3);
    z-index: 2;
    
    .shadow {
      &,
      &::before,
      &::after {
        width: .3em;
        height: .03em;
        border-radius: 0;
        border-top-right-radius: .3em .03em;
        background: $border;
      }
      
      left: .3em;
      top: .35em;
      transform: rotate(-75deg);
      
      &::before {
        content: "";
        left: .1em;
        top: .55em;
        transform: rotate(60deg);
      }
      &::after {
        content: "";
        left: -.37em;
        top: .8em;
        transform: rotate(80deg);
      }
    }
    
    &.left {
      animation: blinkeyebrow 5s infinite;
      transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1);
    }
    
    .hair1,
    .hair2,
    .hair3 {
      width: 1em;
      height: .45em;
      border-top-left-radius: .5em .4em;
      border-top-right-radius: .5em .4em;
      background: $hairdark;
      transform: matrix3d(1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 0, -0.005, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1) scaleY(.8) rotate(-7deg);
      top: .53em;
      left: .35em;
      border: .08em solid $border;
      
      &::after {
        content: "";
        background: $hair;
        border-top-left-radius: .4em .25em;
        border-top-right-radius: .5em .25em;
        width: .9em;
        height: .25em;
        top: -.16em;
        left: -.03em;
        transform: rotate(-4deg);
      }
    }
    
    .hair2 {
      background: $hair;
      margin-top: -.16em;
      border-right-color: $hairlight;
      border-right-width: .18em;
      transform: matrix3d(1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 0, -0.005, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1) rotate(-9deg) scaleY(.8) scaleX(-1);
      overflow: hidden;
      box-shadow: inset 0 .04em 0 $hairdark;
    }
    .hair1 {
      background: $hair;
      margin-top: -.28em;
      transform: scale(.8) rotate(-38deg);
      border-bottom-width: .05em;
      left: .13em;
      box-shadow: inset 0 .1em 0 $hairlight;
      &::after { display: none; }
    }
    .hair3 {
      &::before {
        content: "";
        height: .1em;
        width: .5em;
        background: $border;
        top: 0.05em;
        left: -0.1em;
        z-index: 2;
        border-radius: 0;
        border-top-right-radius: .5em .1em;
        transform: rotate(-15deg);
      }
    }
  }
  .mustache {
    position: absolute;
    left: 50%;
    top: 50%;
    transform: rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em);
    position: absolute;
    z-index: 3;
    animation: mustacheblinkalt 5s infinite;
    
    &.left {
      transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em);
      animation: mustacheblink 5s infinite;
    }
    
    &::before,
    &::after {
      content: "";
      border-top-right-radius: 100% 100%;
      border-bottom-left-radius: 100% 70%;
      width: 1.3em;
      height: 1.6em;
      background: $hair;
      border: .08em solid $border;
      z-index: -1;
      box-shadow: inset .2em 0.005em $hairdark,
        inset .28em .1em $border,
        inset -0.18em -0.13em $hairlight;
      position: absolute;
    }
    &::after {
      border-color: transparent;
      background: transparent;
      box-shadow: inset -0.2em -0.1em $hairlight;
      transform: rotate(8deg) translate(.15em,.32em) scale(.7,.4);
    }
    
  }
  .goatee {
    background: $hair;
    width: 3em;
    height: 1.8em;
    transform: translate(-50%,.8em);
    border-top-right-radius: 50% 40%;
    border-top-left-radius: 50% 40%;
    border-bottom-left-radius: 50% 40%;
    border-bottom-right-radius: 50% 40%;
    
    &::after,
    &::before {
      content: "";
      width: .5em;
      height: .3em;
      left: 50%;
      top: .65em;
      transform: translate(-50%,0);
      border-top: .1em solid $hairdark;
      border-radius: 100%;
    }
    
    &::before {
      border-top: .07em solid lighten($hairlight, 15%);
      top: .5em;
      width: .3em;
      height: .2em;
    }
    
    .main {
      left: 50%;
      z-index: 2;
      
      &::before,
      &::after {
        content: "";
        background: $hair;
        width: 1.5em;
        height: 1.5em;
        border-top-right-radius: 100% 100%;
        border-bottom-left-radius: 100% 100%;
        margin-left: -.75em;
        top: .85em;
        z-index: -2;
        transform: scaleY(.8) rotate(45deg);
        box-shadow: inset -.15em -.15em $border; 
      }
      &::after {
        box-shadow: inset -.25em -.25em $hairdark;
        transform: scale(.85,.7) rotate(45deg);
        border-top-right-radius: 100% 100%;
        border-bottom-left-radius: 100% 100%;
        top: .75em;
      }
    }
    .side {
      left: 50%;
      z-index: -4;
      
      &.left {
        transform: scaleX(-1);
      }
      
      &::before,
      &::after {
        content: "";
        background: $hair;
        width: .85em;
        height: .4em;
        border-bottom-right-radius: 100% 100%;
        top: 1.55em;
        z-index: -4;
        margin-left: .3em;
        transform: rotate(-40deg);
        box-shadow: inset .1em -.13em $border,
          inset .21em -.26em $hairdark; 
      }
      
      &::after {
        margin-left: .78em;
        top: 1.33em;
        z-index: -5;
        box-shadow: inset .1em -.13em $border,
          inset .21em 0 $hairdark,
          inset 0 -.3em $hair; 
        transform: rotate(-30deg);
        background: transparent;
      }
    }
    
    .further {
      left: 50%;
      z-index: -3;
      
      &.left {
        transform: scaleX(-1);
        z-index: -1;
      }
      
      &::before {
        content: "";
        background: $hair;
        width: .6em;
        height: .6em;
        border-top-right-radius: 100% 100%;
        border-bottom-left-radius: 100% 100%;
        transform: rotate(37deg);
        top: .85em;
        z-index: 0;
        margin-left: 1.2em;
        box-shadow: inset -.08em -.06em $border,
          inset -0.03em -0.1em $hairdark; 
      }
      
      // &::after {
      //   margin-left: .75em;
      //   top: 1.25em;
      //   z-index: -5;
      //   box-shadow: inset .1em -.13em $border,
      //     inset .21em 0 $hairdark; 
      // }
    }
  }
}

@keyframes blink {
  10% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(1); margin-top: 0;}
  12.5% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(0); margin-top: .1em; }
  15% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(1); margin-top: 0; }
  
  50% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(1); margin-top: 0;}
  54% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(0); margin-top: .1em; }
  58% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(1); margin-top: 0; }
  
  60% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(1); margin-top: 0;}
  62% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(0); margin-top: .1em; }
  64% { transform: scaleX(-1) scaleY(1); margin-top: 0; }
}
@keyframes blinkeyebrow {
  10% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(0deg); }
  12.5% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(2deg); }
  15% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(0deg); }
  
  50% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(0deg);}
  54% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(2deg); }
  58% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(0deg); }
  
  60% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(0deg); }
  62% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(2deg); }
  64% { transform: scale(1.3) scaleX(-1) rotate(0deg); }
}
@keyframes mustacheblink {
  10% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  12.5% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-26deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  15% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  
  50% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em)}
  54% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-26deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  58% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  
  60% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  62% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-26deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  64% { transform: scaleX(-1) rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
}
@keyframes mustacheblinkalt {
  80% { transform: rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  82% { transform: rotate(-26deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
  84% { transform: rotate(-25deg) translate(-.45em,.45em) }
}
/* I need to finish this sometime */
!

JS
!
999px

Console