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Here you can Sed posuere consectetur est at lobortis. Donec ullamcorper nulla non metus auctor fringilla. Maecenas sed diam eget risus varius blandit sit amet non magna. Donec id elit non mi porta gravida at eget metus. Praesent commodo cursus magna, vel scelerisque nisl consectetur et.

            
               <div class="container-fluid text-center">
    <img class="img-responsive center-block hidden-xs" src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7045/7024135731_86f32fa165_o_d.png" height="25%" width="25%"/>
    <img class="img-responsive center-block visible-xs" src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7045/7024135731_86f32fa165_o_d.png" height="30%" width="35%"/>
    <h1 class="text-primary" id="top"> Epic Quote Generator </h1>
    <h4 id="subtext"> Providing you with quotes from <a href="http://epicquotes.org">Epic Quotes. </a>Made by <a href="http://fgandiya.me">Farai Gandiya</a></h4>
    <br>
    <div id="quoteblock">
      <p class="quote">If you see this</p>
      <a class="link" target="_blank" href='https://twitter.com/home?status='>Activate Javascript</a>
      <br><br>
      <button type="button" id="quotebut" class="btn"><i class="fa fa-comment"></i> Quote Away!</button>
    </div>

</div>
            
          
!
            
              #top{
  font-family: 'Sigmar One', cursive;
  font-size:2.4em;
}
#subtext{
  font-family: 'Shadows Into Light', cursive;
  font-size:1.2em;
}
#quotebut{
  font-size:1.1em;
}
#quoteblock{
  border-style:solid;
  margin: 0 auto;
  padding: 15px 15px 15px 15px;
  max-width:500px;
  font-family: 'Montserrat', sans-serif;
}
            
          
!
            
              $(document).ready(function(){
  $('.quote').text('Your Quote Will Be Here');
  $('.link').text('And You Can Tweet It Here!');
  //I am so sorry about what you are about to see. This is an array of 1008 items.
  var quotes =["Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.", 'Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.', 'Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.', "Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life. ", "I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.", "Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.", 'The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.', 'I hate when I\'m tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."', "I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.", "Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.", 'Perception is everything.', 'Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.', "I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally. ", "Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?", "Wild hearts can't be broken.", 'You know it\'s going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."', "I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.", 'A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.', 'True friends stab you in the front!', "Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?", 'You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.', "My foot just fell asleep.  I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.", 'When someone says "It\'s getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".', "I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.", 'Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.', "Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.", 'You know it\'s going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."', "If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.", 'Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?', 'Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.', 'I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.', "Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.", "My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.", "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.", 'Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.', "Good things don't always have to come to an end.", "Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.", "I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.", "Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.", "Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.", 'If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?', "The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.", "No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.", 'Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.', 'Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.', 'To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!', "That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.", "A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.", 'Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.', "I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.", "Don't wait for anybody to complete you.", "Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.", 'When a teacher sends you outside you have successfully won the argument. ', 'If your not going to win the argument, lie.', 'Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I\'m gonna throw the dictionary at them.', "You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.", "Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.", 'Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears. ', "Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.", 'Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.', 'The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.', "I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.", "Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.", 'When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.', 'Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.', 'I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.', 'Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.', 'I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.', 'We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.', 'When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.', "I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...", 'Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.', 'Nice shoes! Wanna screw?', 'Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.', "Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.", "The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.", 'Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.', 'Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it. ', "Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.", 'Disappointments are just God\'s way of saying: "I\'ve got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.', 'Wherever you go, there you are.', 'When life puts you in tough situations don\'t say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".', "I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.", "Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.", "Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.", "Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.", "Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.", 'Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O', 'Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.', 'We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.', 'A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.', 'Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.', 'Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.', "It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.", "NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.", 'Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.', 'Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.', 'Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.', 'Your character is more accurately determined by what you say about others behind their backs.', 'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.', "I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.", 'A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.', 'I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.', "The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....", 'Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.', "Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.", 'WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.', 'I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.', 'The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.', 'Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.', 'I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?', 'You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.', "Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away. ", "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.", 'I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.', 'Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.', "That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.", "My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.", 'Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 52 people. Then the grenade exploded.', "I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.", "Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.", 'Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.', "Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.", "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.", "I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.", 'I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.', "I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.", 'You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.', "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.", 'Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?', "Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.", 'Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.', 'Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.', 'Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.', 'Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.', "Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.", "I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.", 'Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.', 'If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.', 'I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?', 'Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.', "When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.", "I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.", 'Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.', 'Shit happens bro. Now get over it.', 'Got an issue? Get a tissue. ', "Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.", 'Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?', "Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.", 'The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. ', 'I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.', 'Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.', 'Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.', "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.", "If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.", "There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.", "Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.", "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.", 'Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.', "I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.", 'You do not learn anything by doing everything right.', 'I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.', 'People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.', 'Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.', "I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.", "A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing.  It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.", 'Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.', 'I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.', "Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.", "Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.", 'Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I\'m gonna throw the dictionary at them.', 'I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.', "Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.", "No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.", 'I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.', 'Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?', 'You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.', 'Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.', "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.", 'Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?', 'A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.', 'When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.', 'He who laughs last thinks slowest. ', "Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.", "I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.", 'If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there\'s a better than average chance you\'re a douchebag.', 'Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.', 'Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.', 'When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you. ', 'The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.', "Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.", "Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.", 'Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.', "Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.", 'You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.', "Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.", "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.", 'The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.', 'Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.', "I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.", 'I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.', "Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.", 'I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?', 'Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.', "Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.", 'Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.', "Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.", 'Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.', 'Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.', "Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.", 'The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.', 'When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you. ', "I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.", 'Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.', '2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.', 'Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.', "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.", 'Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.', "The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.", 'The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.', 'Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.', "You're only as good as your last game.", "We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.", "If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.", 'I hate when I\'m tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."', "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.", "Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.", 'You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.', 'The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.', 'Cool story bro, changed my life.', "I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?", 'Patience gets you everywhere on time. ', 'My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.', "When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.", "I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me. ", 'I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?', 'The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.', "Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.", 'I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?', "I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.", 'Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.', 'Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.', 'When life puts you in tough situations don\'t say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".', "Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.", 'Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.', 'Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.', 'Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it. ', 'Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.', 'You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.', 'When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.', "Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.", "I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.", 'Playing comes first, you can work later. ', "I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me. ", 'Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.', 'If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.', 'The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.', "A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!", "Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.", 'Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.', '24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.', 'Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.', 'Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.', 'Everybody is a student for life.', 'You inspire me to be a better pervert.', 'That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes. ', 'Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.', 'People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.', "We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.", 'The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.', 'Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.', "I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.", 'If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.', "Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.", 'Some people should be high-fived...in the face.', 'Kim Jong Il\'s last words. "Hey, you\'re Chuck Nor....."', 'I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.', "Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.", "Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.", 'My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.', "You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.", 'Perception is everything.', "You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...", "Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.", 'If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?', "Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.", "If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.", "Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard", "I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.", 'The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.', "Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?", "Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.", 'Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.', 'Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?', 'There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.', 'Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.', 'We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.', 'A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.', "I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?", 'There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.', 'Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.', "It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.", "Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.", "There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.", 'When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.', 'WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.', 'Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.', 'He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.', 'Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.', "Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.", 'Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.', 'A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.', "Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.", 'The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.', 'Dreams lift when reality falls.', "If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.", "No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.", 'To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.', 'Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.', 'Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.', 'Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.', "Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.", "You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.", 'Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.', 'You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.', 'Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.', 'History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.', 'I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?', "Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.", 'Trust in God but lock your car.', "If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.", 'A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don\'t know son, I\'m still paying."', 'Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.', 'Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.', 'If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.', 'Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.', 'A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory', "You're never too old to learn something stupid.", "I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.", 'I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.', "I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?", 'We put the "us" in trust, baby.', 'Be positive for no reason.', 'It\'s hard to answer "what\'s wrong", when nothing is right...', "The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.", "Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.", 'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.', "I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.", 'The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.', "My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.", "Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.", 'Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.', "If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.", 'A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don\'t know son, I\'m still paying."', "Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.", "Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.", 'If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.', "I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.", 'Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I\'m gonna throw the dictionary at them.', 'I miss you like an idiot misses the point.', 'Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.', 'You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.', 'Be positive for no reason.', "I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.", 'New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain', 'Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.', "Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.", 'To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!', "Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.", "Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.", 'If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.', 'If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there\'s a better than average chance you\'re a douchebag.', "If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.", 'Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.', "I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.", "Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.", 'I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.', "If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.", "I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.", "Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.", "I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.", 'Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".', 'Nice shoes! Wanna screw?', "I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.", "I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.", "If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!", "Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.", "I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.", 'Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.', "Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.", 'If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.', 'Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.', 'Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.', 'The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.', 'Got an issue? Get a tissue. ', "Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.", 'Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.', 'If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?', 'There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.', 'Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.', 'Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.', 'My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.  ', 'Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.', 'When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.', "If you can't convince them, confuse them.", 'A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.', 'Fall in love with my mind.', 'When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.', 'I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?', "Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.", 'If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.', 'Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.', 'To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.', "It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.", "I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.  ", 'Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.', "Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.", 'My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.', 'It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.  ', "I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.", 'I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.', "Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.", "It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.", 'The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.', "Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.", 'Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.', "I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.", '11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.', 'You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.', 'I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?', "No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.", "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.", "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.", "No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.", "It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.", "A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.", 'After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.', 'If you got haters, you must be doing something right.', 'Dreams lift when reality falls.', 'Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.', "I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own", "It's weird not to be weird.", 'If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.', "My foot just fell asleep.  I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.", "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.", "Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.", "I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.", "Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.", "Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.", "I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.  ", "Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.", 'You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.', "We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.", "I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me. ", 'If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.', 'Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end. ', "I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.", 'Playing comes first, you can work later. ', "If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.", 'I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.', "Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life. ", 'Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?', 'Be positive for no reason.', "Don't wait for anybody to complete you.", 'Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.', "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.", 'Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.', "The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.", 'The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.', 'Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.', "It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.", "I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.", 'Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.', "I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.", "Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.", "Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.", 'Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.', 'If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.', 'When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you\'re like"I don\'t give a fuck."', "If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.", "The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.", 'Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.', 'Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.', 'Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.', 'If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.', 'Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.', "I'll advise you... don't mess with me: I know Karate, Judo, Tai Kwon Do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words.", 'Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.', "I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?", 'My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.  ', 'If your not going to win the argument, lie.', "Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard", "There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.", 'Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.', "You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.", "It's weird not to be weird.", "Face your problems, don't facebook them.", 'We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.', "Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.", 'If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.', 'To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!', "If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?", 'I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.', 'You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.', "Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.", 'Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.', 'Dreams lift when reality falls.', 'You know it\'s going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."', 'Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.', 'New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain', 'True friends stab you in the front!', 'You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.', '.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I', "If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.", "That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.", 'If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?', "A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!", 'When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.', "Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.", "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.", 'That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...', 'Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.', "I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.", 'Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.', "So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.", "Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.", '11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.', 'Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.', '"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."', "Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.", 'My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.  ', "I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.", 'Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.', 'Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.', "I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.", 'When life puts you in tough situations don\'t say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".', "The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.", 'You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.', 'Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.', 'You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.', "I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.", 'Everybody is a student for life.', 'I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.', "If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.", 'Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.', "Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.", "A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing.  It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.", "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.", 'I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.', 'Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.', 'You live and you learn.', 'The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. ', "Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.", 'Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.', "Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.", "I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.", 'Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.', "Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.", 'You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.', 'Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.', 'You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.', 'I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.', "It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.", "They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.", 'Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.', "Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.", "I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.", 'Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.', 'I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.', 'Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.', 'How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes', 'Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.', 'A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.', 'Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.', 'Always remember to smile.', 'Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.', "Good things don't always have to come to an end.", 'Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.', "Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.", "Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.", 'Always remember to smile.', 'Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.', 'When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.', "I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night? ", 'Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.', 'Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.', 'Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck. ', "Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.", 'To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.', 'Playing comes first, you can work later. ', "S_CCESS can't be complete without U.", "I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.", 'If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?', "You don't have to understand to be understanding.", "Make money, don't let it make you.", "Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.", "True friends aren't bought, they are earned.", 'Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.', 'Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.', "Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard", "I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...", 'My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.', 'Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.', 'Born to be different, like everyone else.', 'Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.', 'My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.', 'Be positive for no reason.', 'When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.', "Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.", 'Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.', 'How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.', "Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.", "Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.", "You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.", 'Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.', "When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.", "Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.", "It's weird not to be weird.", 'Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.', 'There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.', 'You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.', "I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.", 'If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?', 'People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.', "I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.", "My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.", "I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.", 'You do not learn anything by doing everything right.', 'Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.', "Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.", 'How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?', 'Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.', "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.", 'Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.', "I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.", 'We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.', "Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.", "Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.", "Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.", 'Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.', "Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?", 'Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.', 'How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes', "The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.", "I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.", 'You do not learn anything by doing everything right.', "Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.", "If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.", 'A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory', 'Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.', "The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.", 'Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.', 'Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.', 'I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.', "Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.", "Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.", "Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.", 'Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.', 'We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.', 'Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.', '11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.', 'Playing comes first, you can work later. ', 'A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.', "S_CCESS can't be complete without U.", 'Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?', 'If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.', 'Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.', "The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.", "I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.", 'If you got haters, you must be doing something right.', "Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility. ", 'Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.', 'When life puts you in tough situations don\'t say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".', 'I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.', "Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.", 'Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.', 'Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.', 'Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.', 'Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.', 'People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.', 'I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.', "Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.", 'If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.', "I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.", "My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.", 'Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.', 'History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.', 'I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?', "I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.", 'The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.', "We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.", 'Shit happens bro. Now get over it.', "I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.", "I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.", 'Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.', "Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.", 'Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.', "In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.", "KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.", "Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.", 'I eat problems, then shit out success.', 'The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.', "Good things don't always have to come to an end.", "Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck", "I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night? ", "Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.", 'The human heart is like a spring, to bounce back from pitfalls and rise to joys, and it definitely needs space.', "Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.", 'Love needs to get glasses.', "A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.", 'My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.  ', 'Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.', 'The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.', "If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.", 'You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.', 'Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.', 'I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?', 'Be positive for no reason.', 'I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.', 'You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.', "Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long. ", 'Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.', 'Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.', "Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck", "Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.", 'To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.', 'Fall in love with my mind.', 'I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.', "Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.", 'Everybody spread positivity.', 'I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.', "True friends aren't bought, they are earned.", "I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.", 'I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.', "I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.", 'Got an issue? Get a tissue. ', 'Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.', 'Always remember to smile.', 'Drunk words are sober thoughts.', 'Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.', 'When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.', "If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.", 'When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.', 'If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?', "Testing boys by not responding to their txts to see if they'll txt you again.", "I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.", 'Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.', "Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.", "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.", 'Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?', 'The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.', 'Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.', 'Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.', "Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.", "I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.", "That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.", 'Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.', "Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard", "No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.", "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.", 'Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...', "If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'", 'I eat problems, then shit out success.', 'I hate when I\'m tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."', "When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.", '.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I', "Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?", 'Drunk words are sober thoughts.', 'Aspire to inspire before you expire.', 'I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.', "You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.", 'You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.', 'Haters are just confused admirers.', "They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.", 'I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?', 'After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.', "Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.", "Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.", "I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.", "Wild hearts can't be broken.", 'I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.', 'There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.', "You're never too old to learn something stupid.", "The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.", 'Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.', "I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.", 'God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.', "My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.", "If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.", 'Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".', 'Patience gets you everywhere on time. ', "If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.", "I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me. ", "I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?", 'Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.', 'You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.', 'WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.', "If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.", 'Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.', 'Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.', "Face your problems, don't facebook them.", "Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.", 'I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.', "Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.", 'Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.', 'Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.', "Winners do what other people won't.", "Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.", '.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I', 'Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.', "I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me. ", 'Born to be different, like everyone else.', "Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.", 'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.', 'Wherever you go, there you are.', 'Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.', 'Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-', "I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.", 'It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.  ', 'The lottery: voluntary taxation. ', 'You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.', "Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.", "Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.", "I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.", "Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.", 'You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.', "Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?", "I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.", 'Real eyes realize real lies.', "I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.", "Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.", "Don't judge a book by its movie.", "He who laughs last didn't get it.", 'Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.', "Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.", 'Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.', 'Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.', "Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.", 'You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.', 'A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.', "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.", "KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.", 'A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.', 'I eat problems, then shit out success.', "I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?", '"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."', 'The world is full of guys, be a man.', '2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.', 'Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck. ', "There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.", 'You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.', 'Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.', 'Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.', "Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.", 'I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.', 'Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.', "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.", "So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.", 'New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain', "A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.", 'I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?', 'How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?', 'I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.', 'You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.', 'Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.', 'When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.', 'Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it. ', "I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.", 'Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.', '.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I', "I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.", "If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?", 'You do not learn anything by doing everything right.', 'Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.', 'Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.', 'Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.', 'I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.', "Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!", 'It\'s hard to answer "what\'s wrong", when nothing is right...', 'Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.', "I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.", 'Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.', "I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now. ", 'New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain', 'The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.', 'Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.', 'Some take the bait, others reel it in.', "I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.", 'My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.', "I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.", 'I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?', 'Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.', "I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.", 'Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.', 'A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.', "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.", 'I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.', "My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.", 'May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.', 'Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.', 'When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.', 'Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you. ', "I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.", 'I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.', 'Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.', "Make money, don't let it make you.", "Winners do what other people won't.", 'A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.', "You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.", "If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.", 'Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.', "I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.", 'Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.', 'Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.', 'It\'s hard to answer "what\'s wrong", when nothing is right...', 'I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.', "The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.", "Don't judge a book by its movie.", 'Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.', "I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own", 'Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.', 'This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".', 'If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.', "I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.", 'Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.', 'Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears. ', 'I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.', 'Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you. ', "You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.", 'The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.', 'When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.', "I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.", "Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.", 'A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don\'t know son, I\'m still paying."', 'Born to be different, like everyone else.', 'You live and you learn.', "Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.", "I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.", "Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.", "Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.", 'Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.', "Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.", "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.", "You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.", 'If your not going to win the argument, lie.', "I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.", "Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck", 'Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...', "If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.", "Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.", 'You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.', "Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.", 'Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.', "We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.", 'Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".', 'If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.', 'You do not learn anything by doing everything right.', "Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.", 'Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.', "You can't define love, but love can define you.", 'F that B. ', "The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.", "If you can't convince them, confuse them.", 'The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.', 'I need a six month holiday, twice a year.', "If you can't beat them, taze them.", 'You live and you learn.', 'I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.', "Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.", 'Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.', "The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.", 'I put the laughter in manslaughter. ', "I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.", 'Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.', "Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.", "S_CCESS can't be complete without U.", "Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?", "The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.", 'The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.', "I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.", 'My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.  ', "NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.", 'Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.', "I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.", 'When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you\'re like"I don\'t give a fuck."', 'A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.', 'We put the "us" in trust, baby.', 'When life puts you in tough situations don\'t say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".', 'A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.', 'Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?', "Don't let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world.", 'I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.', "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.", 'Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...', 'Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.', "I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.", 'I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.', 'You do not learn anything by doing everything right.', "If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'", "Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.", 'History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.', 'The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.', 'Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O', "If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.", "We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.", 'Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?', 'Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.', 'There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.'];
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